Hate is Not The Answer
If you've ever unfriended someone on Facebook or muted someone on Twitter, then you know how it feels to dislike someone. While these tools provide you with "out of sight and unthinkable" ways to get rid of something you don't want to see in your life, you can never completely avoid feeling 'dislike' altogether. It's true, hate is a survival mechanism that humans have been using for centuries, long before social media took over. This is how the mind-body relationship is involved in one's hatred.
Haters are everywhere Work in conflict resolution, with many reasons why people deserve to be hated. These stories are often backed up with encouraging examples, with the potential to provoke. At the same time, beyond this story, some patterns explain a lot of the dynamics of why you hate.
When you look at someone who looks different from you, there is preferential activation of the amygdala, which is the area of your brain associated with fear and aggression. This emotional reaction can trigger a long-term pattern of hatred when you validate it with action: if you feel someone has hurt you, your fear of them becomes rational.
Your negative feelings towards someone become stronger as bad experiences with them build up, and these negative thoughts then cause a fight-or-flight response in your body, making you think "I hate that person."
In short, your fight-or-flight response is your body's way of dealing with stressors.
The stressor that triggers a fight or flight doesn't have to be life or death, although unfortunately, the human body cannot tell the difference between actual and perceived stress. That's why reading your enemy's posts while you're still in school will make you worry about being bullied again. Your association of fear with your dislike of the person triggers your need to protect yourself.
Reasons Why You Hate Others
Why are you hating? Hatred is a method that humans often use to deal with differences. Some differences are important to you and to society, for example, race, religion, and language. People who manage differences well are often bold and inquisitive, backed by a sense of security from which they can explore life's mysteries and uncertainties.
There are times when the differences around you become too heavy for you to bear. These differences feel threatening to you, and your idea of group identity. These differences become even more acute when they coincide with trauma, violence, and humiliation. Instead of accepting the instability of unknown potential differences, you choose to hate.
People tend to look for scapegoats, whether that's at work, or when there's a conflict in your relationship. It feels much better to channel your negative energy by blaming someone else, rather than confronting your role in your problems. A lot of people join hate groups, as it allows them to blame all their problems on others while being supported by a group of people who share the same beliefs, and makes them feel like themselves.
Generalizing: If your hatred of other people is focused on specific people, such as people from a particular region, race, or religion, your thinking is irrational because you are generalizing. You group entire groups of people into a single "bad" specification and build assumptions about these people based on demographic characteristics. (
verywellmind.com)
People Seek Specific and Identifiable Outlets for Feelings of Anger
Hatred allows you to clearly define who is on your side, and who is not. When a person or group feels tension, and they don't know how to resolve it, they seek scapegoats, express their hatred, and then expel the "object of hatred" from their world.
After the scapegoat has been removed, the person or group experiences a feeling of unity and peace. That is until the next tension escalates, and a new scapegoat needs to be found. At its core, hatred always replicates whenever there is tension, and that tension is expressed by making a scapegoat.
Because hate is energizing, when you're feeling frustrated and helpless, hating someone else is a way to get out of that difficult feeling. You can direct your pain toward well-defined external targets. Someone who feels empowered, motivated, and successful, doesn't need hatred; they already have plenty of energy. However, for someone stuck in weakness, hatred can be a blow in the arm.
People tend to be lonely and seek connection, even those who are hateful.
Many people join hate groups because it fulfills their need for companionship and belonging. You don't have to do or be anything special, all you have to do is be negative toward others. Easy, right? Similarly, some people find it easier to build relationships by putting other people down and seeing who's supportive, than proving to others that they are interesting and valuable friends.
Anger can make you listen even when you don't have anything to say.
Some people say that the opposite of love is not hate, but indifference. And that's true. When you feel like the world doesn't care about you, and you don't feel loved, anger can be a way of getting someone's attention. Unfortunately, anger can make you heard, even when you don't have something to say. Next time you feel the urge to throw a tantrum, remember, you are not alone. You're loved.
How to Deal with People You Hate
How can you not hate other people? Good people can deal with someone with a problematic personality who has to interact with them. Here are tips for empowering yourself to deal with people you hate.
Keep calm
Emotions can be like a genie, once you get them out of the bottle, it's hard to put them back in. If you know you are dealing with someone you hate, take a deep breath and clear your mind. Try to let it go.
Identify what annoys you about people you hate.
Describe what makes you angry. Stick to facts and do your best to keep your emotions out of it. When you identify what's bothering you, and dig deep to go beyond the behavior, you arrive at a strategy that helps you deal with the person and their behavior in the most positive way.
Remember. You are under the Control
If someone makes you angry, it can be difficult to see the bigger picture of why you're angry or upset, or what can be done to resolve it. However, you shouldn't let other people limit you and rob you of your happiness.
Pay attention to your body
Take time to pay attention to your own body when you're angry or upset with someone: How do you feel when your emotions show up? Is it pressure in your chest, the tension in your muscles, or a throbbing in your jaw? All of these physical symptoms are examples of common responses to anxiety or anger-provoking situations. And all of these symptoms also have a physical way of easing or reducing them.
If you catch yourself saying, "I hate that person," ask yourself why this is, and what you can do to make sure you're happy. Remember that you are always in control of your emotions and feelings. Don't let someone out there control you just because they temporarily darken your day. Don't hate other people.
