Can Long Distance Relationship Work?

Long-Distance Relationship: Will it Last?

      

      After all this time, you finally found someone worthy of being your partner. And you feel completely happy with him. But through certain situations, you find yourself separated from the people you love by a great distance.

No matter how much you and your partner love each other, there is a part of you that wonders how or if your relationship will last.

When your partner is contemplating going somewhere far away, immersive real-time communication technology still makes the distance seem more manageable. But a variety of larger forces, involving the labor market, geography, and gender norms, also put certain lovers in the position of having to make that choice in the first place. The increase in the number of couples in long-distance relationships appears to be spreading unevenly among demographics.

The statistics for long-distance relationships are still encouraging. According to a 2013 study from the Journal of Communication, approximately 3,000,000 Americans are living apart from their partner at some point during their marriage, and 75% of college students have been in a long-distance relationship in some cases. The study even showed that long-distance couples tended to have the same, or more satisfaction in their relationship than couples who were geographically close and had higher levels of dedication to their relationship and less feelings of being stuck.

Make Your Communication Optional

Some long-distance couples make it a rule that they must make a certain number of calls, or that they must speak every night at a certain time.

This approach may work for some, but real communication has to happen organically.

You should talk to your partner when you feel like it, not because you have to. And if that means several days of no communication, so be it.

After all, people are probably busy and need a few days alone at regular intervals.

Communication is indeed very important in any relationship, but more communication isn't always best for couples in long-distance relationships, especially if it's in the context of "must."

When you force communication, two things can happen: The first is when you suddenly have moments where you don't have much to talk about, you will damage your relationship, and spend time with your partner not because you want to, but because you feel you should. Welcome to the saddest love story ever!

Lackluster and pretend communication like this often creates more problems than it solves. If your partner seems more interested in his tax returns than in chasing after your day, you should likely hang up and try again tomorrow. There is something known as overexposure.

Another problem that may arise from forcing communication is that one or both people start to resent the feeling of a "required relationship". This hatred then fuels an argument that turns into something like, "I sacrificed more than you!" And playing the game I sacrificed more than you ever did.

The best way to avoid this happening is to make all communication optional, meaning you can opt-out at any time. The trick is not to take these exit choices personally when they occur, after all, neither your partner nor you are a slave.

If your partner is having a busy week or needs some alone time, that's totally up to him to decide. However, you need to use your partner's desire (and your desire) to communicate as a barometer of how the relationship is working.

If your girlfriend spontaneously feels as if she only wants to talk a few times a week instead of a few times a day, that's a causal factor for her feelings that are probably growing. It's worth talking about and honestly.

Can Long-Distance Relationships Last?

Long-distance relationships can last until the partners move in together or end the relationship. For example, if both partners are truly committed to their relationship, they can stick it out for quite some time. But the question is whether they are happy.

A sense of duty and commitment can override how you feel. Meanwhile, you maintain a long-distance relationship, even if it brings you nothing but bad feelings. And that's because you made a promise that you don't want to break.

After a while, the need for physical intimacy can get too much, and the couple finds someone they can get physical with. Cheating is the result of an unmet need for physical intimacy that is not addressed in time. In some cases, infidelity such as having sex with another person will be mixed with distrust, but this is not always the case.

Partners in long-distance relationships can feel a loss of physical closeness. When you have understanding and trust in your partner, then you can talk to your partner about your feelings and needs. Then, you and your partner can come up with a solution that works for both of you.

In many cases, couples deal with long-distance relationships out of necessity, not out of choice. It's very common to feel scared and insecure when you have no idea what your partner is up to and you miss them.

You start to have different thoughts and stories to tell. Even though it may not be true, if you think about it long enough, it becomes a part of your reality.

These same insecurities can give birth to jealousy and distrust. After some time, multiple partners in long-distance relationships can develop arguments and become self-fulfilling prophecies.

This is the kind of problem that occurs when you're trying to make a long-distance relationship last when it's not working out.

So, to say that long distance relationship won't last long is wrong. Also, generalizations aren't helpful, as they tell you what is possible. But whatever you think about it, it can happen. It may not be a healthy or happy relationship, but you can make it work if you want.

Summary

The long-distance partner is still human. Distance is likely to make it less "personal" to you, but by maintaining frequent and open lines of communication, and by cultivating trust and positive emotions, long-distance relationships can be successful, even in the long term.

Long-distance relationships work much the same as geographically close relationships. Treat them the same, and you could make it work.