Health and Psychological Benefits of Forgiveness

What is Forgiveness and How-to Completely Forgive

      Forgiveness is one of the most powerful responses you can have, but the steps in forgiving someone else can be difficult too.

Almost everyone has experienced harassment or been hurt by someone. It could be a former friend, co-worker, or family member. However, venting these bad emotions can harm your health.

Forgiveness Definition

Commonly, forgiveness involves a decision to let go of hatred and desire for revenge.

You may remember the act that hurt or offended you, but forgiveness can reduce its grip on you and help free you from the control of the person who hurt you. Forgiveness can even engender feelings of empathy, understanding, and compassion for the person who has hurt you. (mayoclinic.org)

It's never easy to forgive a man or woman who has wronged you, but living through this event and remembering it over and over again can fill your mind with bad thoughts and suppressed anger. However, when you learn to forgive, you are no longer trapped by other people's previous actions and you will eventually feel free.

Forgiveness Leads to Freedom

Even if you forgive in sheer obedience to God, you will experience a great deal of energy and freedom when you do so. Bitterness is a mental prison. Just this summer, I knew I hadn't completely let go of the offense with the help of a coworker. I'm not mad, but I sure am, didn't go out of my way to chat, or show kindness like I used to. I found myself not "light" at work, and that dampened my morale.

There's so much burden, stress, and exhaustion involved when you're so adamant about not being forgiving. Revenge weighs on you, drains your energy, and offers control over individuals or circumstances that shouldn't exist in your life. Forgiveness screams at the offender, "I am out of your reach."

As you become better at forgiving, you truly learn to feel compassion and compassion for those who hurt you. And when you reach the likeness of Christ, you will pray for them. Can't say I've been there often enough, but when I start praying, then I'll understand I'm there.

Just forgive and let go of whatever is holding you back. Have a liturgy if you want. Surrender and give to God, and then never look back. If you still can't make peace with someone or circumstances, your only option is to forgive. Jesus forgave those who nailed Him to the cross, and I assume there is a detailed motive left in the Word of God. God knows the dangers that unforgiveness can cause and hopes the world will see His strength and compassion when you forgive.

Try to be understanding rather than badmouthing others. It may not lessen your pain, but it can make what's going on more understandable, if not okay. A previously critical mother or father, may also echo the voices of his critical parents or, feeling that he is not reaching his potential in life, may have expressed his frustrations and hopes through active pressure.

A friend who seems devoted to the task of looking after you, feeling inferior to you, may harbor deep self-doubt. An ex who betrayed you could also get caught up in self-sabotaging behaviors that could ruin future relationships. Understanding doesn't mean condoning painful behavior. Their problem is theirs to solve. But understanding rather than badmouthing other people can help you let go of anger and forgive.

Practical Steps to Forgive

Through trial and error, I've discovered that forgiveness is not forgetting, being able to move on without getting angry, or being held in bondage for wrongs that were done to you. So how do I face this? I simply believe that God has given us all kinds of emotions, whether healthy or not.

When unhealthy emotions arise, I give myself little time to express them, within my boundaries. I call this permitting the feeling to simply "visit". Not installing permanent residence.

What if You don't Seem to be Capable to Forgive or Don't Want to Forgive?

How much of your happiness is needed? Forgiveness is a pretty important key to maintaining happiness. It's often useful to understand if someone is trying to hurt you. The easiest way to find and keep yourself from repeating mentally painful conversations and actions is to ask. If that man or woman has accidentally wronged us -- which is usually the case -- and you question negative things about that person, it's certainly easier to let go of your grudge or hurt feelings.

Summary

Forgiveness doesn't mean that the pain isn't important, or that what the other person said or did was okay. It's not like you forgot what just happened. It means letting go of your desire for revenge, or giving forgiveness. It means making peace with previous wounds and pain. It is the capacity to choose to pass.

All of this may be easy said, but not easy to do. But forgiveness and freedom from the past can occur in a sequence of small steps from time to time.