4 Habits That Can Destroy Your Marriage

4 Bad Habits That Ruin Relationships

     Everyone has habits that may annoy their partner, but some behaviors can damage your marriage if you don't change them. With the right information, it may not be too late to change those habits and rebuild your marriage. Listed below are seven common habits that can ruin a marriage if it persists.

Dishonesty

We don't think we're lying to each other…until we do a little bit more study on what dishonesty really means.

Although we never lied outright, my husband and I discovered early on that we had a habit of keeping little secrets from each other. They include how we spend our money and how we spend our time, and our ideas and opinions. We mistakenly think that we protect each other from pain.

The problem is that when one of these secrets is revealed, the trust in our relationship is eroded. It will take you quite some time to rebuild it.

Dishonesty is never truly valuable, no matter how big the secret. If you're afraid of your partner's response to something, it's better if you open it up right away, rather than letting him find out at a later date.

Underestimate Your Partner

You may get angry from time to time and may say something hurtful to your partner, but if emotional abuse is a normal phase of your interaction, or if you push, threaten, or hit your partner when you are angry, it is a bad habit and may result in divorce.

When we appreciate something, we treat it with respect and care. We take care of it like any extraordinary treasure. We value our time and behave in ways that ensure we continue to have access to what we value. Unfortunately for many marriages, evidence of respect for each other and the relationship is absent.

On the other hand, in many marriages, often even in failed marriages, there is a lot of criticism, negativity, neglect, and carelessness. It's hard to choose to be around someone who is constantly negative, and if that negativity is directed at us in the form of criticism, its effects over time are degrading and deadly to a marriage.

The things we feed and care for grow. The things we persecute and ignore will make us hungry. These are easy principles that apply to our weddings as much as they do to our houseplants. If you love someone, show that love in your actions and words. If you neglect to do so, you are showing a lack of interest in you. If you're in an abusive relationship, get out of the situation quickly and get help now.

Lack of Communication.

Do every conversation turn into an argument? Good communication boils down to knowing what to ask for; Don't think of others as mind readers.

Avoid vague statements and assumptions, Make extra 'I' statements and emphasize what you want. (1)

What holds you back? Blame the bad patterns that you saw in your family growing up, such as avoiding fights, worrying about how your husband will respond, unresolved trauma and more.

Learning to really listen to each other is very important, but it is surprisingly difficult to do.

Just sit opposite each other. One partner makes statements while the other just listens – without responding – and then repeats what he said. Sometimes this practice takes up to 10 attempts before the listening partner gets what the other person is expressing.

Women have a very hard time naming their needs, you may also find it easier if you ask yourself, How does my request serve our relationship as a couple?

For example, say you're tired from the week and want your husband to help out with the kids on Saturday morning, so you can go to your favorite yoga class. Consider how the greater peace, you rejuvenated makes a better partner for your husband.

By running your request through these filters, you may understand that what you're asking for can help strengthen the relationship.

Selfish Demands.

It's only natural to choose to be loved in your marriage. And it's true to talk about how you prefer to be loved, through your love language or any other personal need.

However, it was all too useful for a simple request to become a selfish request.

My weakness is covering up my needs as whiny guilt or passive-aggressive manipulation. There is a reason why Proverbs warns more than once about a fussy spouse and how she quickly tears her husband down.

If your husband seems to be withdrawn or resisting when you try to share your needs with him, consider how you communicate. Were you traumatic or manipulative? If you're not sure, just ask him or her, or get an outside opinion.

Likewise, if you think he's traumatized by you too much, try to talk to him without reciprocating.

Summary

Research shows that it takes as little as 21 days to form a habit. It seems so simple to start and still do something nice for yourself like exercise, eat clean, not yell at the kids, etc. But it also takes only 21 days to create not-so-positive habits that over time can build and destroy a happy marriage. Or...perhaps marriage counseling can help.